Balance. That lovely point where everything is in harmony. When you are spending quality time with your family, the kids are a delight to be with rather than fighting with each other, your work is challenging and rewarding and you have ample time to nurture your own interests and your relationship. Sounds lovely doesn’t it. But how realistic is it? Is the concept of balance really the impossible dream we are lead to believe we should achieve? Is the desire for balance actually stressing you out?
Recently I was introduced to an alternative view that really made sense to me.
Life has a rhythm.
Life ebbs and flows, some periods are more stressful than others. Sometimes work needs to take precedence over home life and vice versa.
When striving for balance we often feel guilty for prioritizing one thing over another. We feel as though we are neglecting our other responsibilities. But this is not true, and 9 times out of 10 we will only need to make this priority call in the short-term.
Your kids are not going to end up on the shrink's couch because you missed one Ukulele recital, there’ll be plenty of other fodder for them to discuss. And your colleagues are not going to judge you when you turn up at 930am, because you stopped and took the time to really listen to your youngest child’s feelings as they had an unscheduled 30 min emotional meltdown. In fact, when you speak to them about it, your child-free colleagues will probably tell you they are in awe of all that you juggle and don’t know how you do it.
If you consistently feel guilt relating to one aspect of your life, it's likely you are out of step with your values. Take stock of how much attention you are paying to each part of your life i.e. family, career, health, exercise, diet etc. Do you need to shift your focus a bit? Sometimes we feel trapped and as though its impossible to focus our energy where we'd really like to because other parts of life are so demanding. Yet, you'd be surprised what can be achieved with a bit of creative thinking and asking others for help. I once felt guilty about not being able to pick the kids up from school. I decided the answer might lie in moving to flexi hours one day a week. I agonised for 4 months about asking my boss. When I finally did ask he said yes right away without hesitation. What a waste of those 4 months! It didn't make any difference to him or the work I contributed but the difference it made to how I felt as a Mum was enormous.
So I say let go of the expectation of having balance and embrace your rhythm. Make the most of quieter times and really take care of yourself so you have the reserves to cope with stress when it comes. Do something every day that makes you feel really good, even if it’s only for 10 mins. Put music on, dance around the lounge, light a candle, mindfulness colouring, listen to a podcast, whatever makes your heart feel good. Let go of any guilt that sneaks up on you when you make a priority call, just recognize its part of life’s rhythm. And, if you feel like you need help to find your rhythm, book a free discovery session with me.
Because life is about every day.