There are many things you expect to learn when you have kids. How to take care of their physical needs, how to prepare them for life, but I didn’t expect this to be a journey of self-discovery too. Here’s two unexpected things I’ve learnt…
Lesson 1: Trust your instincts. Be a lioness when you need to and don’t hold back.
No one knows your child like you do. I’ll say that again because it’s really important. NO ONE knows your child the way you do. You know all their quirks, you know what normal looks like for them and what it doesn’t. When the lioness comes out, she comes out for a reason. Listen to her, follow her, she knows what she’s talking about. Don’t hold back because you don’t want to be seen to be “that crazy Mum”. Be the crazy Mum and follow your instincts until they are satisfied.
My lioness has helped us number of times. The first was when our baby appeared to be reacting to almost every food I gave her. Some specialists were supportive, some told me it was in my head, not in so many words of course but close. Whenever someone told me it was nonsense I just thought “come spend a week at our place and then tell me its nonsense”.
Despite all the naysayers I kept pushing, researching, reading, talking to other Mums in online forums (thank god for the internet) and following my instincts because I knew in my heart there must be something we could do to help her and we hadn’t found it yet. 5 years later we had the answer, her body wasn’t able to process phenols in food, after some gut healing and many probiotics she now has a full and varied diet. Even if you are the only one believing what you are saying, you know your child, you are observing your child every day, so follow your instincts until you know you have the solution.
My lioness surprises me with her forcefulness, she says things I wouldn’t dream of normally. This year our second child made a few comments that made me wonder if she’s finding schoolwork difficult. When she told me “words sometimes swap places on the page Mumma” I knew I had to do something. Her school conducted some tests that showed she’s a smart kid and ahead of where she needs to be. It was suggested that, as she’s meeting standards, we should just keep an eye on her and see how things progress. That’s when the lioness appeared. I made it clear that I wasn’t good enough. I didn’t want my child to be achieving standards but having to work twice as hard as she needed to to get there. After a trip to a behavioural optometrist, it turns out she has Irlen syndrome and for her the words really are moving around on the page.
Even if you look a little crazy to others embrace your lioness, the end results are worth it.
Lesson No 2: How to truly look after myself (and I’m no use to my family if I don’t)
I don’t think I truly knew how to look after myself until I had kids and my energy hit rock bottom.
In my 20s, I worked hard, played hard and had energy to burn. Sure I’d sleep in late on weekends, only because I got home sometime between 3 and 6am. I didn’t really think about food as fuel, I just ate what I could afford.
In my early 30s I didn’t party quite so often but most Friday or Saturday nights were spent out on the town. I still wasn’t really thinking about the food I ate but the quality had improved. I went to the gym and still slept in on the weekends. Why not, I had plenty of time on the weekend to do anything I liked.
Then came kids and 6 years of severely broken sleep. Sleep deprivation sent me crazy for a while. At work I appeared to be functioning and probably also to the outside world, but inside I was a wreck. Sure I was going to the gym, was fit, and ate quality food, but my body was exhausted and I had lost sight of all the things that made me truly happy. I was in survival mode. I had a short fuse with the kids and my husband, I just wasn’t the person I wanted to be.
Off I went to the naturopath to get a fix for my low energy. I was given supplements which did help but I was yet to learn that the pills are only half the solution. Things improved but I still had periods of exhaustion, mostly as we came out of the crazy Christmas period. I then realized I needed to look at my lifestyle too and start doing things to slow down and that really make me smile.
I’ve learnt to:
· Fuel my body properly, eating the way that works for my body
· Look after my gut health with fermented foods
· Prioritise being asleep before 10 as often as possible
· Do something that makes me smile every day, even if it’s only for a few minutes. I did a handstand in the park the other day, walking home from school with the girls, simply because the idea popped into my head and I thought it would be fun. It had probably been 30 years since I’d last done a handstand. I wasn’t very good but it made me smile
· Have a regular catch-up with my closest girlfriends. We have dinner together once a month, it’s so good for my soul
· Slow my breathing when I’m stressed, sending a message to my body that I’m safe
· Ask for help when I’ve got too much on. This past week I had a birthday party to organize and I was busy at work. I started losing sleep over everything I had to get done, so I swallowed my pride and asked my family to help me. Turned out, once I had more than one brain working out how to bring the party together I could sleep happily again.
What has parenting taught you that you didn’t expect?