I vividly remember how draining sleep deprivation was.  For a long time I struggled through, believing I just had to ‘suck it up’ and ‘deal with it’.  That was until I finally discovered there were things I could do to support my body.  Here's 10 things you can do to support yourself:

1.     Vitamins and minerals. Check you are getting enough of the vitamins and minerals essential for energy production particularly b12, magnesium, iron, CoQ10.  In theory, we should be able to get all we need from our food, but it’s not quite that simple.  First, you probably have very little time or energy to create nutritionally balanced meals for yourself so you grab whatever is nearest when you are hungry; second, our soil is low in magnesium and if the soil doesn’t have it then neither will our food, so even if you are eating well you still may not be getting enough of what you need; third, stress plays havoc with our gut flora and that can impact what we absorb, so even if you are getting what you need through your diet you still need to be able to absorb it.  A Naturopath or Dr can help you find the right supplements for your body.

2.     Support your adrenal glands.  In times of stress, and yes sleep deprivation does count as a time of stress, our adrenal glands work overtime.  Support your adrenal glands by increasing your Vit-C, belly breathing and reducing sugar intake and stimulants such as caffeine and chocolate.  Tip: the more greens you eat the less sugar you’ll crave.   Instead of trying to go without sugar try eating more greens and watch your sugar intake fall.

3.     Greens for breakfast.  A smoothie or breakfast salad is a great way to up your intake of greens and are quick to prepare.  Just watch the fruit content in your smoothie, you want more greens that fruit.  I recommend berries as they are lower in sugar. 

4.     Reduce your coffee intake.  It may sound harsh but coffee will have your already stressed adrenal glands even more under the pump.  You could swap coffee for tea – tea contains an antioxidant that helps your body process caffeine, lessening the impact on your adrenal glands

5.     Stop being hard on yourself.  Many of us suffer from comparisonitis or are trying to live up to what we perceive to be a ‘good mum’.  We wonder ‘what’s wrong with me that I’m finding this so hard? Everyone else makes it look so easy’.   Thing is, we are rarely comparing apples with apples.  Those mums you are comparing yourself to probably aren’t being woken up all through the night. Tip: try replacing the word ‘should’ with ‘could’ on your to do list eg ‘I should go to the gym’ becomes ‘I could go to the gym’.  Instantly easing the guilt and pressure and making it more appealing.

6.     Prioritise catnaps.  That pile of washing that needs to be put away is very quickly replaced by the next pile of washing.  No one of any importance to you is going to judge you because you delayed folding the washing by 10 or even (god forbid) 20 mins to take a quick catnap.   

7.     Embrace calming exercise.  Walking, yoga, meditation will all help reduce the burden of stress on your body.

8.     Break of ground hog day.   Changing up our routine even just a little can create an energy shift.

9.     Get outside.  Nature is a great for de-stressing.

10.   Do something that brings you joy, even just for a few mins.  Sleep deprivation doesn’t take all your energy away over night, it’s a gradual decline.  So gradual that you don’t see the changes from day to day, but before you know it you are in survival mode and have forgotten what feeling good feels like and what you enjoy doing.  Think back to things you enjoyed as a kid, make a list if necessary and add them into your day from time to time.  When I was in survival mode I forgot how much I loved listening to music, everything was so much more enjoyable once I brought it back into my life. 

I could end this by saying “remember it won’t last forever” but that’s a completely useless and condescending piece of advice that does nothing to help you get through this period.   

The bacteria that live within our gut perform a number of functions:

·      Breaking down the food that hasn’t been broken down in the stomach
·      Producing happy hormones such as serotonin (95% of serotonin is produced in your digestive system)
·      Programming our immune system  (70% of immune cells are contained within our digestive system), and
·      Building and maintaining our gut wall.

A health gut requires an 80/20 split between ‘good bacteria’ and ‘bad bacteria’ bot lots of factors can blow out this balance:
·      Antibiotics
·      Birth control pills
·      Stress
·      High Sugar diet

If you experience any of the following it may pay to look at how you are supporting your gut bacteria:
·      difficulty putting on/losing weight
·      IBS
·      Nausea
·      Heartburn
·      Bloating
·      Constipation
·      Diarrhea
·      Intolerances
·      Fatigue
·      Headaches
·      Anxiety
·      Allergies
·      Eczema
·      Brain fog

Just how do we support a healthy balance of gut flora?

1/ Chew your food.  It sounds basic, but very few of us do it properly and we aren’t maximizing the value we could get from our food.  Food should be liquid in our mouths before we swallow.  That’s ‘liquid' people, not 3 chews and swallow!

2/ Reduce stress.  Make sure you drop those devices and tune out regularly

3/ Eat prebiotics. prebiotics feed your gut flora, think fibrous vegetables and lentils

4/Get cultured. include a variety of cultured foods in your diet.  Foods like, kimchi, sauerkraut, full fat probiotic yoghurt, kefir, miso and Kombucha.  Many of these may be made cheaply and easily at home.  Each of these contains a different strain of probiotics so consume a variety to have a broad spectrum of good bacteria.

5/ Stay hydrated.

6/ Reduce sugar.

7/ Take probiotics after a round of antibiotics.  If you find you need to take a course of antibiotics, please follow this up with a course of probiotics to replace the good bacteria that has been killed off by the antibiotics.

I feel very fortunate to be living in a time when women can choose what they want to have in their lives: career mum or stay at home mum, kids or no kids, partner or no partner, more than ever before we can build the life we want.  But somewhere along the way I think we got a bit confused about what having it all actually means.  We seem to think that to have it all we have to do it all ourselves which is an impossible standard to meet.

Although it would be fab to have super powers, especially if it meant your washing folded and put itself away when you clicked your fingers, unfortunately there’s no such thing as a superhero.  Yet somehow as Mums we seem to think that having it all means we have to behave like a superhero.  Able to fold washing, cook dinner, clean the house, present at a board meeting, put a bandaid on that grazed knee and look sexy for our partners without breaking a sweat (ok maybe a little bit of sweat in the bedroom is a good thing).

Having it all actually means:

Defining what you want in your life, not measuring yourself against others

It’s critical we make sure the life we are striving for is the one we want, not what someone else wants.

When Sheryl Sandberg’s book ‘Lean in’ was first published, I didn’t rush to read the book, the newspaper headlines put me off.  I read the headlines suggesting mothers should strive for leadership roles in business and, with two young kids keeping me awake half the night, I thought “that’s easy for her to say”.  I was angered by the pressure I felt from those headlines, as though I wasn’t doing enough already.   I had a corporate job, and prior to having kids had been quite ambitious about rising through the ranks, but having kids had changed my perspective and so those headlines challenged me and I felt inadequate.

 Now I don’t give a monkeys and have realized I have to live to my own desires and standards, not someone-else’s, including my mother’s.  Did it really take me 40 years to work that out? Yep.

Creating a modern village  

It used to take a village to raise a family.   That’s not the modern way of living but you can create your own version of village.  With two jobs, a husband, two kids, and a dog on the go my village looks like this:

·      A husband who is very involved in the kids lives and in the running of our household.  It’s a 50/50 split of work in our house
·      Family I can call on help out or babysit
·      An afterschool nanny 2 days a week and in the holidays
·      Neighbours I can call on when needed and vice versa
·      A cleaner

You may think I’m lucky and I agree with you, but I learnt the hard way how necessary it is to have this support.  I resisted creating a village for a long time, trying to do it all myself with little help.  The end result was burnout, which leads me to…

Having it all does not mean looking after everyone but yourself 

If you keep trying to do everything by yourself a few things will happen:

1)   You’ll stop investing in yourself.  Exercise, your own diet and time for you will get squeezed meaning…
2)   Your body will begin to burn out, meaning
3)   You’ll get grumpy and resentful towards your husband and kids and
4)   It’s all downhill in a handcart from there.

If you want to have it all you have to start by looking after yourself.  That means all the basics like diet & exercise but also including things that make you feel good, things that make you smile.  Take a bath, read a book, dance in the living room, do a handstand, light a candle, walk barefoot on the grass, watch a funny video on You Tube, paint your fingernails, whatever works for you.  It doesn’t have to take much time but by doing something nice for yourself you’ll be a whole lot nicer to live with, just ask my family.  Which means you have to get comfortable with the word No…

Having it all does not mean saying yes to everything just because you are capable

There are only so many hours in each day.  If you want to have it all, you have to start saying yes to the things you love and no to the things you don’t.  Yes we have to pull our weight in the community but it is ok to say no to something if it doesn’t work for you.    I recently had to tell a group of Mums that I couldn’t participate in a mother help roster.  Did I feel stink? Yes.  Did I worry they’d judge me and be pissed off?  Absolutely.  Would I do it if I could? Yes, but even with my village I can’t say yes to everything.  In this case participating in mother help would require me to be in two places at one time and not even a super mum could do that.

 

There are many things you expect to learn when you have kids.  How to take care of their physical needs, how to prepare them for life, but I didn’t expect this to be a journey of self-discovery too.  Here’s two unexpected things I’ve learnt…

Lesson 1: Trust your instincts.  Be a lioness when you need to and don’t hold back.

No one knows your child like you do.  I’ll say that again because it’s really important. NO ONE knows your child the way you do.  You know all their quirks, you know what normal looks like for them and what it doesn’t.  When the lioness comes out, she comes out for a reason.  Listen to her, follow her, she knows what she’s talking about.  Don’t hold back because you don’t want to be seen to be “that crazy Mum”.  Be the crazy Mum and follow your instincts until they are satisfied.

My lioness has helped us number of times.  The first was when our baby appeared to be reacting to almost every food I gave her.   Some specialists were supportive, some told me it was in my head, not in so many words of course but close.  Whenever someone told me it was nonsense I just thought “come spend a week at our place and then tell me its nonsense”.  

Despite all the naysayers I kept pushing, researching, reading, talking to other Mums in online forums (thank god for the internet) and following my instincts because I knew in my heart there must be something we could do to help her and we hadn’t found it yet.  5 years later we had the answer, her body wasn’t able to process phenols in food, after some gut healing and many probiotics she now has a full and varied diet.  Even if you are the only one believing what you are saying, you know your child, you are observing your child every day, so follow your instincts until you know you have the solution.

My lioness surprises me with her forcefulness, she says things I wouldn’t dream of normally.  This year our second child made a few comments that made me wonder if she’s finding schoolwork difficult.  When she told me  “words sometimes swap places on the page Mumma” I knew I had to do something.    Her school conducted some tests that showed she’s a smart kid and ahead of where she needs to be.  It was suggested that, as she’s meeting standards, we should just keep an eye on her and see how things progress.  That’s when the lioness appeared. I made it clear that I wasn’t good enough.  I didn’t want my child to be achieving standards but having to work twice as hard as she needed to to get there.  After a trip to a behavioural optometrist, it turns out she has Irlen syndrome and for her the words really are moving around on the page. 

Even if you look a little crazy to others embrace your lioness, the end results are worth it.

Lesson No 2: How to truly look after myself (and I’m no use to my family if I don’t)

 I don’t think I truly knew how to look after myself until I had kids and my energy hit rock bottom.

In my 20s, I worked hard, played hard and had energy to burn.  Sure I’d sleep in late on weekends, only because I got home sometime between 3 and 6am.  I didn’t really think about food as fuel, I just ate what I could afford.

In my early 30s I didn’t party quite so often but most Friday or Saturday nights were spent out on the town.  I still wasn’t really thinking about the food I ate but the quality had improved.  I went to the gym and still slept in on the weekends.  Why not, I had plenty of time on the weekend to do anything I liked.

Then came kids and 6 years of severely broken sleep.  Sleep deprivation sent me crazy for a while.  At work I appeared to be functioning and probably also to the outside world, but inside I was a wreck.  Sure I was going to the gym, was fit, and ate quality food, but my body was exhausted and I had lost sight of all the things that made me truly happy.  I was in survival mode.  I had a short fuse with the kids and my husband, I just wasn’t the person I wanted to be.

Off I went to the naturopath to get a fix for my low energy.   I was given supplements which did help but I was yet to learn that the pills are only half the solution.  Things improved but I still had periods of exhaustion, mostly as we came out of the crazy Christmas period.  I then realized I needed to look at my lifestyle too and start doing things to slow down and that really make me smile. 

I’ve learnt to:

·      Fuel my body properly, eating the way that works for my body

·      Look after my gut health with fermented foods

·      Prioritise being asleep before 10 as often as possible

·      Do something that makes me smile every day, even if it’s only for a few minutes. I did a handstand in the park the other day, walking home from school with the girls, simply because the idea popped into my head and I thought it would be fun.  It had probably been 30 years since I’d last done a handstand.  I wasn’t very good but it made me smile

·      Have a regular catch-up with my closest girlfriends.  We have dinner together once a month, it’s so good for my soul

·      Slow my breathing when I’m stressed, sending a message to my body that I’m safe

·      Ask for help when I’ve got too much on.  This past week I had a birthday party to organize and I was busy at work.  I started losing sleep over everything I had to get done, so I swallowed my pride and asked my family to help me.   Turned out, once I had more than one brain working out how to bring the party together I could sleep happily again.

What has parenting taught you that you didn’t expect?

As I said last week, every year I find myself embracing a new aspect of healthy living that I’ve discounted in the past.  This year, I’ve decided to start brewing Kombucha and so far it has been a breeze.  Kombucha is a fermented tea drink that has been consumed for centuries and is surprisingly delicious.  Kombucha is really good for keeping your gut flora healthy and providing you with b vitamins, which your body needs to convert food into energy.

More and more we are beginning to understand the important role gut bacteria plays in regulating our immune systems and how it contributes to our energy, autoimmune diseases, asthma, allergies, adhd and autism.  In fact the gut is so influential it is often referred to as the ‘second brain’.

When our kids were young, we discovered for ourselves the importance of gut health.  Having a healthy balance of gut flora was the key to resolving our daughter’s numerous food intolerances.  So now we make sure to feed our gut flora with fermented foods every day. 

So far I’ve had no luck getting the kids to eat sauerkraut, but around 12 months ago I tasted Kombucha.  I’d heard about it, but hadn’t tried it before as it was expensive and I expected it to taste bad.  I was surprised to discover it tasted like a yummy fizzy drink.  It was truly delicious.  Admittedly the one I tried was flavoured with berries, but it was yummy enough for me to test it on the kids.  The kids loved it so we were all hooked.  Trouble is Kombucha is expensive so I would buy one big bottle a week and ration it out, mostly between the kids. 

This year we are trying to reign in our spending so I’ve decided to try making my own.  I’ve just completed my first batch and I have to say it was pretty good.  I’ll tweak a few things, but we have all been enjoying it so I’m pretty happy with the results.  Here’s how I did it:

First I needed a ‘scoby’.
This is the good culture that ferments the tea.  It’s a white, jelly looking substance, that can have bits of brown stringy stuff hanging off it.  Can look a little gross but it does a great job. I didn’t know anyone who could give me a scoby, so I googled how to grow my own.  It was super simple.  I followed the instructions I found on www.culturesforhealth.com   Basically I took 1C of a plain store bought Kombucha, added a cup of sweetened green tea that had been cooled to room temperature (1C tea and 1T sugar).  I put all this in a sterilized jar, popped a couple of paper towels over the top and secured them with a rubber band.  This allows your kombucha to breath but keeps the fruit flies out.  Then I left it in a dark place in the kitchen for a few days, where it wouldn’t get knocked around.  You are supposed to leave it alone, but I was so excited about growing one that I checked on it morning and night.  I was very proud of myself, showing photos around the office.  It did feel a bit like it was my little baby (mad I know). 

     

Creating the first batch
Over a couple of days a clear film formed on the top of the liquid.   This slowly got thicker and developed nice opaque spots over the course of about 5 days.  There were also some brown stringy bits.  This is fine.  Brown and white are good, green or black are bad.  After 5 days it was time to feed it some more sweet tea and transfer it to a larger drink dispenser.    This time I made a larger pot of sweet tea.  7C water, 1T tea, 1/2C sugar, cooled that down, added it to 1C of my existing kombucha liquid and placed my baby scoby on top.  Again covering it with paper towels and placing it in a dark part of the kitchen.  Within a day the scoby had grown to completely cover the top of my kombucha and within 4 days it was a lovely white colour. 

        
It’s summer here in NZ and it has been quite hot in the kitchen during the day so the Kombucha fermented quickly.  Infact after 4 days it was a little more tart than I would have liked but still tasted good.

Flavour & Fizz
The next thing was to add some ‘child friendly’ flavour to it.  I decanted most of the Kombucha into tall glass bottles, leaving 1C in the jar with the scoby ready to make the next batch of Kombucha. For flavour I added peaches to one bottle and berries to the other.  The bottles sat on the bench for 3 days, with their lids on so the kombucha would become fizzy.   I burped the bottles a few times so the pressure didn’t build up too much, the last thing you want is Kombucha on the ceiling.  After 3 days I tasted it again, and once I was happy with the fizz and flavour I moved the bottles into the fridge to stop the fermentation. 



And that’s it.  It was super easy, and really satisfying to do this from scratch.   Now that I’ve got my scoby it will cost very little for the whole family to drink Kombucha every day.  

If you are keen to give it a try I recommend visiting www.culturesforhealth.com as they have all the instructions you need such as quantities and types of tea to use.  Or if you want to buy some Kombucha, in NZ you can find it in health food shops and stores such as Faros.  Try drinking a small glass every morning and notice any changes in your energy or mood.  

For now, I’m hooked.  It’s a super simple and cost effective way to provide the probiotics our family needs each day.  My energy has definitely improved as a result of drinking it.

Recently I was discussing with friends how every year I read about something new I could be doing to improve our family’s health and often I’ll dismiss it saying “I haven’t got time for that”, only to find myself ‘having a go at it’ 12 or 24 months later.  I guess it takes me a while to come round to things.  Last year it was making my own bone broth, which I now do regularly.   It’s so handy to have on supply esp during winter.  I do a lot more chicken broth than beef, because of the need to roast the beef bones.  In winter I’ll poach a chicken with carrots, onions, garlic, bayleaf and peppercorns.  When cooked I’ll pull the meat off the bones and store it in the fridge, then throw the bones back in the stock to cook it down further.  This means I’ve got cooked chicken on hand for lunches or for throwing together a quick chicken soup for dinner after work.

This year I’ve decided to have a go at making Kombucha, a fermented sweet tea that is great for feeding your gut flora.  I never thought I’d do it, yet here I am, doing it. Hubby and I are trying to reign in our spending and Kombucha is expensive to buy, esp when 4 of you drink it.  I’ll be blooging about the experience soon.

You’d be forgiven for thinking I’ve always been this ‘hippy jippy’, but far from it.  It really has been a crazy journey getting to this point, 9 years ago I was a complete skeptic.  I’ve outlined my journey below so you can see how one step has lead into another.  Along the way I’ve researched a lot and put into practice what worked for me at the time.  Wherever you are on your health journey just do what you know will work for you now, read about what you are interested in but do what works.  You never know where you’ll end up.

2006 - The skeptic
I have a confession.  Many years ago, before I had kids and started on this health journey, I used to think people who read packets were just being over the top.  I mean, if it’s been tested and is in the supermarket, surely it means it’s ok for us, right?  How wrong was I?  I also, and this is one I feel bad about, used to think the rise in allergies in children was simply helicopter parenting.  All in their heads.  Ha! Didn’t the universe come up and smack me on the bum when I had my own kids!  Clearly I had a lot to learn and it was well and truly served to me.  But, I’m really glad I’ve been on this journey, even if it was very tough at the beginning.

2007 Enter the packet-reading queen!
We believe our first child had an intolerance to phenols, a naturally occurring chemical in most foods.  I say ‘we believe’ because there is no test that can be done, only observation of symptoms.  Usually our bodies can process out the phenols we don’t need, but my daughter’s body couldn’t so phenols accumulated in her system causing her pain and impacting her behaviour.  After loads of tests to rule out other causes such as reflux, and visits to many specialists, we finally figured out that she needed to stay on a low phenol diet. Queue me becoming the packet reading queen!  It took us 3 years of research to get to this point and many food diaries.  All the way through I kept thinking “I must be meant to do something with this knowledge I’m gaining”. 

For those who are interested in phenol intolerance I’ll write a more detailed blog of our experience at the later date.  But long story short, baby no 2 came along and despite the experts saying ‘it wouldn’t happen again’ sure enough it did and we had 3 more years of severely broken sleep.  You see we knew we needed a low phenol diet but phenols can’t be avoided totally.   They are in every food to a greater or lesser degree.  So while things had improved and we had found an amazing paediatrician to work with, they weren’t fixed yet.  What I didn’t fully understand at that point was the role that gut health was playing in girls’ intolerances. 

2012 Antibiotics held the key!  (Bet you didn’t see that coming and neither did I)
Until the age of 5 my daughter had never had antibiotics.  She hadn’t needed them and our paed wasn’t all that keen on giving them to her because her body appeared to be super sensitive.  But when an infection took hold we had to give her antibiotics for the first time.  Prior to having antibiotics we knew her gut flora was out of balance (too many bad, not enough good) and had been trying to fix this by giving probiotics, but now the antibiotics would kill most of the good and bad flora off, essentially giving us a fresh start.  The paed advised us to give her lots of probiotics to re-establish her good gut flora and keep the bad bugs under control.  So we went for it, giving 3-4 times the normal daily dose for a few months.  Before long we noticed she seemed better. Less night waking, less sore joints, no more bright red cheeks or ‘child possessed/out of character meltdowns’ and best of all she could tolerate new foods.  We had found the missing puzzle piece, probiotics and balanced gut flora.  What a life changing moment for all of us.

2012 Queue adrenal fatigue.
After 5 years of sleep deprivation my own body finally said “I don’t think so”.  It had been go-go-go for 5 years with many a midnight hour spent searching online for information that could help us.  In the end, I had zero energy left.  I was fit and working out regularly but instead of feeling energized after a class, I felt exhausted.  Literally had to go home and lie on the couch, not ideal with two young kids around.  I wondered if it was part of getting older and felt I had to just keep pushing on because there wasn’t much I could do about the sleep deprivation I was still experiencing.  That was until I picked up “accidentally overweight” by Dr Libby Weaver.  In it she had a section on adrenal fatigue and I fit most of the symptoms:

·      Brain fog

·      Relying more and more on coffee to keep going

·      Craving sugar for energy

·      Periods that were heavy for first couple of days then virtually nothing

·      Exercise leaving you exhausted rather than energized

I couldn’t believe it.  Maybe there was something that could be done to help me.  Off to the naturopath I went, many questions later and a number of blood tests, she confirmed adrenal fatigue and my recovery began.  With her support, supplements and a number of dietary and lifestyle changes I got my mojo back.  That’s why I’m now on a mission to help Mums look after their energy, because when you are without it everything is difficult. 

2013 It’s all in the gut
Now that we understood how important gut flora is the girls went from strength to strength, able to tolerate many new foods.  Probiotics became a staple in our household.  There were times when we slackened off on probiotics and within a few weeks we would see a change in behaviour, night waking etc and would get back on the probiotics again.  We also noted that the more gluten our oldest child had, the more anxious she became.  So now we have our blueprint for eating.  keep up the probiotics and eat a low gluten diet.

2014 I have to help other Mums
The whole way through this journey I’ve been thinking ‘I must be meant to do something with this knowledge I’m acquiring’.  ‘I have to help other Mums who are in a similar situation’.  From the way food impacts our kids behaviour, to the importance of gut health and recovering from adrenal fatigue, I’ve learned too much about health to keep it to myself.  Then along came the Institute for Integrative Nutrition (IIN) and the concept of Health Coaching.  You know when something just keeps popping up on your radar from multiple sources?  That’s what happened with the IIN Health Coaching course.  My sister mentioned it to me, then Libby Weaver mentioned it during one of her workshops and it came up again elsewhere on line.  I considered the course for about 8 months then took the plunge in Jan 2014.  I graduated in Feb 2015 and began 1:1 coaching in October, working with busy Mums who are struggling to prioritise their own health in their busy family life.

2015 Bone broth & tasting Kombucha
For a while I’d been reading about the benefits of bone broth for a healthy gut, so I decided to pick up a few of Pete Evans books and check out his recipes. My first batch of beef broth turned out really awesome, nice and gelatinous.  You want it to be gelatinous because that’s the good stuff from the bones that your gut needs.  But I found making beef broth cumbersome because the bones need to be roasted first, so I embraced chicken stock which I find much simpler.  I don’t seem to be able to get it gelatinous like the beef stock was.  It probably would if I left it to simmer for longer.  Now I make chicken stock every week through winter.

I went to a high tea one afternoon and tasted Kombucha, I was surprised it was so yummy.  It was like a fizzy drink, but one that’s good for you.  It had been flavoured with berries and I thought even the kids will like this.  Around this time we started to see Kombucha in the shops so I brought some berry flavoured Kombucha home and the kids loved it.  They’ve been having a small glass most mornings ever since.

2016 Brewing my own Kombucha
So here we are, early 2016 and I’m having a go at brewing my own Kombucha.  It seems pretty simple so far.  The most annoying part is waiting for the sterilized bottles and the next batch of tea to cool down so I can get on with it.  I’ve grown a scoby (culture that ferments the tea) from scratch and very soon you’ll be able to read all about my results on the blog.

 So there you have it, my journey so far.  You can see life has really shoved me along at some points, but all the way I have done what worked for me at the time.  I’m absolutely passionate about sharing the knowledge I’ve gained and helping other busy Mums look after themselves, maximize their energy, detox their homes and serve up healthy food to their families. 

XO

Ange

A few years ago, with two preschoolers to look after and a part-time job on the go, I burnt out.  I did my best to get on with things but honestly, it was hell.  At 3 my youngest was still waking every few hours through the night due to tummy issues. 

I was exhausted and every action was a struggle.  It felt like I was constantly trying to run through water, but I had no idea just how bad it was until I recovered.  That sounds weird but burn out doesn’t happen over night, it happens gradually.  So each day you feel a bit more tired, everyday it’s a bit harder and because it happens gradually you lose sight of what normal really feels like. 

I thought maybe I was depressed (I was) so I sought help from a recommended naturopath.  I didn’t realize my adrenal glands had said “enough! We can’t go on like this anymore”.  More importantly, I didn’t realize that even though my stressful situation would continue for sometime yet, there were things that could be done to support my body and reduce the impact of stress.  I’m not going to go into what I did to recover, that’s a post for another time but here’s the advice I would give to my stressed out self if I could go back in time….

Accept all help offered.  It does not make you weak or a bad/lesser Mum.  It used to take a village to raise a child, but now days we feel as if we should be able to do it all on our own. Stop being stubborn, swallow your pride and accept help when it is presented.  You are surrounded by people who love you, who can see you are in pain and want to help but don’t know how to.  To be fair you aren’t really sure yourself but say yes to anything that is offered.

This is not your fault and you are not failing as a Mum. You are a loving Mum who is doing everything she can to provide what her children need in tough circumstances.  Your kids are healthy, happy & loved, just night owls.

Yes, this is bad.  Really, really bad.  You find yourself questioning whether you are making a mountain out of a molehill.  Is your situation bad enough to warrant extra support, it’s only broken sleep?  But, there’s a reason sleep deprivation has been used as a form of torture. Truly! Life is hard right now and you feel like you are failing.  The good news is you aren’t and your kids will turn out just fine.

Stop comparing yourself to other Mums.  You are going through a period of extreme stress.  This level of stress is something you will face only a handful of times in your life.  Don’t compare what you achieve in a day to what other Mums achieve.  You don’t know their circumstances and they don’t know yours.

Seek help from a health professional.  Don’t assume you’ll only feel better when your little one sleeps through, that’s rubbish!   The cause of your stress might not be going away any time soon but you can certainly make nutritional and lifestyle changes that support your body.  Go see a naturopath or Dr and talk them through your symptoms.  I’m not saying you’ll feel completely normal while you are still being woken at night, but you can feel better than you do now.

Burn out happened gradually and it will take some time to recover.  It took a long time to reach this point so don’t expect it to be fixed over night.  But with consistent effort things will improve and one day you’ll look back and wonder marvel at how much better you feel.

Find small ways to look after yourself.  As a Mum of two preschoolers there’s not much time for you right now.  That’s why you need to make any moments really count.  Sleep is important, catch it when you can.  Beyond that see if you can remember the things that used to bring you joy.  Simple things like listening to music, lighting a candle or reading a book. That might sound impossible but simply listening to music while you do chores will lift your mood.

You are in survival mode. That is where you need to be right now so cut yourself some slack.  You are doing the best you can with what you have.

You feel incredibly lonely.  You are acutely aware that when someone asks how you are, they don’t really want to know the true answer.  That feels really lonely, but all it takes is 1 person to change that.  Find your one person.  The person who will listen to your feelings no matter how often you repeat yourself.  If you can’t find a person, write it down in a journal.  It will help to get those feelings out.

This experience will change your life, for the better.  You will know just how strong you are.  You’ll discover how important it is to look after yourself.  That making your self-care a priority is important for both you and your family.  You’ll be calmer and avoid stress as much as possible.  You know the negative impact it can have on your body and family life if you let it.  You’ll develop a deep understanding of nutrition and the impact it has on our moods.  When the sleep finally does come, you’ll have a new, deep appreciation for it.

If you were a burnt out Mum and this struck a chord with you, let me know what advice you’d give yourself if you could go back in time.  If, you are experiencing sleep deprivation now, my heart goes out to you.  I hope some of this advice was helpful.

Balance.  That lovely point where everything is in harmony.  When you are spending quality time with your family, the kids are a delight to be with rather than fighting with each other, your work is challenging and rewarding and you have ample time to nurture your own interests and your relationship.  Sounds lovely doesn’t it.  But how realistic is it?  Is the concept of balance really the impossible dream we are lead to believe we should achieve?  Is the desire for balance actually stressing you out?

Recently I was introduced to an alternative view that really made sense to me. 

 
 

Life ebbs and flows, some periods are more stressful than others.  Sometimes work needs to take precedence over home life and vice versa. 

When striving for balance we often feel guilty for prioritizing one thing over another.  We feel as though we are neglecting our other responsibilities.  But this is not true, and 9 times out of 10 we will only need to make this priority call in the short-term.

Your kids are not going to end up on the shrink's couch because you missed one Ukulele recital, there’ll be plenty of other fodder for them to discuss.  And your colleagues are not going to judge you when you turn up at 930am, because you stopped and took the time to really listen to your youngest child’s feelings as they had an unscheduled 30 min emotional meltdown.  In fact, when you speak to them about it, your child-free colleagues will probably tell you they are in awe of all that you juggle and don’t know how you do it.

If you consistently feel guilt relating to one aspect of your life, it's likely you are out of step with your values.  Take stock of how much attention you are paying to each part of your life i.e. family, career, health, exercise, diet etc.  Do you need to shift your focus a bit?  Sometimes we feel trapped and as though its impossible to focus our energy where we'd really like to because other parts of life are so demanding. Yet, you'd be surprised what can be achieved with a bit of creative thinking and asking others for help. I once felt guilty about not being able to pick the kids up from school.  I decided the answer might lie in moving to flexi hours one day a week.  I agonised for 4 months about asking my boss.  When I finally did ask he said yes right away without hesitation.  What a waste of those 4 months! It didn't make any difference to him or the work I contributed but the difference it made to how I felt as a Mum was enormous.

So I say let go of the expectation of having balance and embrace your rhythm.  Make the most of quieter times and really take care of yourself so you have the reserves to cope with stress when it comes.  Do something every day that makes you feel really good, even if it’s only for 10 mins. Put music on, dance around the lounge, light a candle, mindfulness colouring, listen to a podcast, whatever makes your heart feel good.  Let go of any guilt that sneaks up on you when you make a priority call, just recognize its part of life’s rhythm.  And, if you feel like you need help to find your rhythm, book a free discovery session with me.

Because life is about every day.